My boyfriend, my fiancé, my hubby, my elephant, my thug in baggy jeans, my hunnie, my everything.  There are a lot of memories that I have with Maurice.  I am probably the one that spent the most time with him these past 3+ years.  After Maurice died, I started writing down the memories that I could remember, so that I wouldn’t forget any of them.  I wrote down a good amount, but throughout the day I would think of more, and say,  I should write it down, so I don’t forget it later.” But I never did. By writing down all the memories I had with him, would be confirming over and over again that he is no longer here.  That’s something that I don’t want to accept.

Maurice and I had our whole lives planned out.  He would finish school this year and become a mechanic and eventually open up his own shop.  We both knew that we were meant to be together and that we were going to get married.  During a family dinner in New York, he randomly tells his mom that we were planning on getting married, I was so shocked that he would tell his mom this, but at the same time I was so happy! On the other hand, my parents were the ones that we were worried about.  I knew that they adored Maurice, but we also knew that they would worry since we both were in school and couldn’t support ourselves.  So Maurice decided that he wouldn’t officially ask my parents for my hand in marriage until he was financially stable. 

A year or so after we started dating, we hit a rough patch, but we made it through stronger.  We realized just how much we were supposed to be together and how much we loved each other.  He asked me to marry him and of course I said yes.  There was no ring, no romantic proposal, just a simple question that meant the world to both of us.  To everyone else, we just told them we were “engaged to be engaged” because to us, the engagement wouldn’t be finalized without both of our families’ blessings.

            I couldn’t imagine my life without him, and I still can’t.  Maurice has been there for me so many times.  Without him, I don’t know how I could have gotten through certain times.  He somehow always knew what to say, or when not to say anything.  When my grandma died, he was the only one I could count on.  Out of all my friends, he was the only one that knew how to help me get through it. 

            I never realized how lucky I was to have Maurice in my life.  When I first started dating him, I had issues with trust.  I would never open up to him and keep everything inside.  He was the first person I felt I could completely give my heart to without the fear of being hurt.  I’ll admit we had a lot ups and a lot of downs in our relationship.  And a lot of the bad things were due to my insecurities.  Maurice didn’t doubt anything about us.  He seemed to know something I didn’t.  His strength was what held us together. 

Maurice had this thing about “breaking barriers” between us.  He felt that if we were going to live with each other for the rest of our lives that there needed to be a certain level of comfort.  Besides the obvious barriers like trusting each other, and being honest with each other, there was the “burping and farting” barrier. There was also the singing barrier.  Maurice would always sing love songs to me, and I remember the first songs were “Good Morning Beautiful” and “Say It”.  He wanted me to be able to sing in front of him, even though I told him how horrible I was.  Finally, I decided, what the heck, I can’t be that bad right?  Well, let’s just say that sometimes when I knew he needed a good laugh, all I would have to do is sing.

Maurice’s heart guided him in everything he did.   One day when Maurice came over, I opened the door for him and he looked really upset.  I thought something was horribly wrong, and he says, “I just hit a bird when I was driving over here.”  He said that he tried to check to see if the bird was ok, but couldn’t find it.  I started laughing at him, because in my head I thought something really bad had happened.  Then I looked at him and saw that his eyes were getting teary.  How many people are there, that would get this upset over hitting a bird? 

You can tell what kind of person someone is by how they are with their family.  Maurice adored his family, and mine as well.  Since his parents live in different states, he always wanted to make sure that his dad wasn’t home by himself too much.  For holidays, when my family would invite him over, Maurice would usually say no, because he didn’t want his dad to be alone.  Or if he hadn’t had dinner with his dad in a couple days, he would stay home to catch up with his dad.  Whenever Maurice would talk to his mom on the phone, his voice changed completely.  He turned into a little kid again, giggling and smiling from ear to ear.  It’s small things like those, that made me love him even more.

I originally was going to post up all the memories I had written down, instead of writing this.  But I decided that the memories I had with him is something I want to keep to myself, at least for now.  I’ll end up editing this several times, I know, and will add more things as time goes on. 

I miss him more and more as the days go by, and I can’t stop thinking about the day I will be able to see him again.  He has shaped me into the person I am today, and I know his love will keep me going. 


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